Day One Of The New Health Regime

I’m really, really hungry right now.

The New Health Regime officially took over my life this morning.

So here I am, trying not to think about good unhealthy foods and trying to stay mildly active so my metabolism doesn’t plummet.

Thus far, I’ve:

* Exercised by literally running around the house while doing laundry, housework and dishes, and tried to erase my mental picture of how ridiculous I must have looked while doing said activities

* Measured my waist and don’t want to talk about it

* Grabbed a Hershey Kiss out of the candy bowl accidentally and caught myself too soon just in time (Yes, I’m owning the fact that this incident took place at 9:20 in the a.m.)

* Replaced candy bowl with bowl of apples. It’s not at all the same. And bigger is so not better.

* Stocked the fridge with excessive amounts of diet pop

* Convinced my son to try to eat all the leftover pizza in the fridge that keeps talking to me in my language. He didn’t eat it all, so now he’s grounded.

* Drank so much water this morning that I gained a pound

* Noticed an immediate increase in my frequency of talking to myself, so I’m contemplating erasing my next month’s worth of social events and doing all errands at 3 a.m. when stores are virtually empty

On the marital front, LCB emerged from his office at 10:27 a.m. genuinely lamenting the fact that he had not lost any weight yet.

That man loses weight just talking about losing weight. He knows this too, so he talks about it incessantly. And I don’t mean incessantly by normal person standards. I mean incessantly even by Loquacious Cabana Boy (LCB) standards.

This is why he stops being my friend when we do this.

I’m trying to ignore him, but it’s rather difficult to ignore someone significantly larger and more animated than I am who continues to speak, mostly right in my face.

There he just went again, as I write. There’s no need to ever make this stuff up, because it just keeps happening. And happening. And happening.

Guess I’ll go off in a corner somewhere and just talk to myself.

8 Comment

  1. Whatever you do, don’t ever, ever, EVER measure your waist! Go for fit and forget the rest. 🙂 And have a Hershey kiss or two at the end of the night for a job well done. I think we are at the point where I can tell you that you (read: I) would go batty without a little chocolate every day.

    1. Oh, I’m going batty for sure. But, I do have to have a few days where I basically retrain myself to not reach for a piece of chocolate nearly every time I enter my kitchen. So for me, going cold turkey for a few days is sucky but effective. And I plan to announce to the world that I’ve been chocolate free for 24 hrs. tomorrow. It’s sad, how major of a victory that will be for me. 🙂 You are probably right about the waist thing, since once you give birth it’s never the same again anyway, regardless of how fit you are (that was a huge shocker for me post-baby – don’t know how I missed that one).

      Besides, if you run, and especially if you run anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon this time of year, you always deserve a piece of chocolate. In fact you deserve 2++ pieces. 🙂

  2. Apples are a good start. My husband can lose weight pretty easily, too, which is annoying. I’m on hold on the jogging due to cold weather, and, as of yesterday, falling off of my front step while carrying a 40 lb box of litter and having it fall on my thigh. The bruise is too uncomfortable to jog with. So it’s back to walking.

    And a Hershey’s Kiss or two for a treat won’t kill you! Enjoy them.

    1. Sorry about your fall! I’m glad you can still walk at least, and bravo to you for walking in this weather. I’m becoming more and more of a wimp the longer I’m down here when it comes to cold weather.

      I think a couple of Kisses are in order for this weekend hopefully! It’s either that or a glass of wine.

  3. laurie says: Reply

    LOL! Oh my gosh! I was laughing all the way through your post, girlie! lol! You were SO spot on with every one of your “points”! I’m on a new health regime, too. Been exercising my tookus off for the past month (elliptical AND treadmill) in a measly attempt to lose 20 pounds before April 1….and guess what? Haven’t lost a darn thing! BUT of COURSE….Hubby has to walk by me the other day and happily rub my nose in the fact that he’s STILL 12 pounds lighter than he was 6 months ago. Geee…..thanks, hon……

    xoxo laurie

    1. Oh, isn’t that so frustrating? I’ve done that before, where I’m sure some good must be occurring based on how hard I’ve been working, and yet at the end of the day, there’s little evidence. And I swear, my husband probably loses a pound every time he says the word “diet.” And I want to be supportive of him, but honestly, if he keeps talking “sharing” his daily weight loss updates with me, at some point, the scale will end up in the marsh. I’m just saying.

      So glad you stopped by! And best wishes with all the exercise!

  4. Mads says: Reply

    I have never reached for an apple instead of a kiss. Bravo to you! I’ve also never measured my waist, so I’m not sure where that leaves me. haha

    1. It leaves you exceedingly smarter than I am, that’s where. 🙂

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