We’re Having “Weather” Today

100_0599Due to the obnoxiously early start time of my children’s school previously mentioned, I woke up at 5:40 a.m. yesterday morning and turned on the local news. I have no idea what news stories were covered during the first few minutes or so, likely due to my lack of functioning brain cells before 6:00 a.m., but the first story that registered in my mind was the station meteorologist discussing the thunderstorms and possible tornadoes approaching our area.

The station flashes to “live on location” where their crew is set up in the “weather” and some poor hard-working young newscaster is trying to drum up a story before the story has actually occurred. She starts talking about how she’s been out in the “weather” since 4:30 a.m., and how clearly people are bracing for the storm because there are hardly any people out and about right now. Hmm. Perchance could it be not because of the “weather” but because of the TIME??? Seriously, how many people normally are out on a stroll at 4:30 a.m.? The Olympic trainees, maybe, and confused retirees who worked the night shift for 40 years. In our small area, that’s probably all of about 3 people.

Next, in a cleverly disguised effort to build drama, she finds the one guy who is out in the “weather,” which is apparently quickly deteriorating because she says it is, and interviews him. This affable young gentleman confesses to heading to the beach whenever there is a hurricane or a tornado so he can see the “weather” up close. Here I was under the impression that one is advised to move away from the coast in a hurricane situation. Evidently our family needs to reevaluate our safety plan. Then he says, with excitement in his voice (and I am very slightly paraphrasing but totally not lying), that well, this is no hurricane, but, this time of year, that is, pre-hurricane season, you can’t be too picky and you have to take what you can get. Again, I guess I need to reevaluate, because I’ve been trying to avoid the hurricanes all these years and often pray for their non-existence. I’m clearly confused. And he’s clearly not a homeowner.

Thankfully, we all survived the “weather” with no scratches. My children were predictably disappointed, not getting the 20 minute reprieve from lessons that a tornado siren would have provided, nor the entertainment value of hearing someone scream “Funnel!” and causing instant chaos in the elementary halls. Oh, well. Maybe hurricane season will come through for them. Then, since they’ll be homeless, they can hang out on the beach with Mr. You-Have-To-Take-What-You-Can-Get.

At any rate, the newscast wound down but not before legal counsel presumably put an alert in the newscaster’s ear, and she made the token cautionary statements about staying in a safe place and keeping an ear out for alerts, which Mr. You-Have-To-Take-What-You-Can-Get quickly agreed with, despite the unmistakable contradiction, because let’s face it, he wants to be asked to be on the news again, next time there’s “weather.” Obviously, he has a bright future ahead of him in politics.

Or “weather.”

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