The Resurrection of the New Health Regime

I haven’t had chocolate for almost seven days now.

Okay, technically, that’s not true. I did have Swiss Miss diet hot chocolate, but chocolate connoisseurs know that’s pseudo-chocolate. It’s good, but it’s totally pseudo.

Why, you ask?

In short, LCB and I have resurrected the New Health Regime. We are officially dieting and exercising in a quest for new, healthier versions of ourselves.

For those of you unaware of the New Health Regime’s existence, check here for the pre-diet diet, here for its initiation, here for its progress, and here for its demise.

And now here we are again. Cue Cher and Peter’s song “After All.”

The truth is, I wasn’t planning on posting about our “Let’s get healthier!” dramas, because that’s so been there, done that, both on this blog and in the rest of the world. In fact, here’s a funny story. In December, a colleague told me about a diet she and her husband were currently on, amid all the holiday temptations. When I complimented her strength, she explained that, among other things, she didn’t want to wait to diet until January, and thus become, as she put it, “one of those people.”

Appropriately, I took the opportunity to tell her then that I had plans to become “one of those people.”

I’m kind that way.

And now, I’m one of those people. I’m so bourgeois.

There are those who would say that a health and diet post for the new year is timely thinking on the part of the An Island Mom staff.

Maybe.

But the truth is that I’m posting on this for one reason, and one reason only. If I make it public, my odds of success go up. Seriously. In my other life, the one where I’m a three- dimensional person that walks the earth, failure just means I keep wearing my more generously sized clothes and live in the land of denial and good chocolate.

But in this life, I’m going to have to post an update or two, thus revealing my success or lack thereof.

So basically, I’m using y’all to increase my odds of success. I appreciate your assistance in this matter.

Except when I want chocolate. 

It bears repeating that I am anything but a health expert, so do not follow any of my advice. My success rate is laughable. But here’s what we’ve done.

In true NHR form, we began with some pre-diet food. Last time, I made a cheesecake for the pre-diet diet. This time, I made molten lava cake which I topped with ice cream. I also dumped M&Ms in a large bowl of Chex Mix, mixed it up, and ate the whole bowl for breakfast. LCB focused his efforts more on the red meat food group. I forgot to take pre-diet food pictures this time, so use your imagination here.

The day the non-fun portion of the NHR began, we painfully shifted gears. On the couch-avoidance front, I’ve been doing a half hour to an hour of cardio work every day, as well as weights, crunches, and lunge-like movements on an every-other-day schedule. In an exciting development, LCB took his first walk for non-transportation purposes today. Diet-wise, we’ve cut out some carbs, most sugar, and all chocolate (again, the Swiss Miss beverage is discounted) while adding fruits, veggies, and proteins. Yes, we calorie count.

As of press time, LCB has pulled his usual antics and has lost about ten pounds in just under a week. (Yes, I know some say this is not scientifically possible. I guess we got ourselves a miracle husband.) (This is also why, as I’ve mentioned before, when we do these things, that man is not my friend.) Yours truly, after gaining two pounds the second day (I heart water weight!), has now lost those two pounds. I may have lost an additional pound, depending on whether or not the strategic placement of one’s feet on the scale actually works or not. It’s always so inspiring when this happens, after several days of serious calorie reduction, better food choices, and increased exercise.

I’ll keep you posted. Demotivation starts here.