See, that’s just wrong!

On a whim, really, I decided I’d like to share my spur-of-the-moment list of ten of the things that are just wrong with the world. They just started coming to me randomly after I got a whiff of some potatoes yesterday (see below for elaboration). So, I thought I’d share them because I figured some of you might want to add your own “See, that’s just wrong!” items to the list.

10. Funky-smelling potatoes

There’s a bag of potatoes in the pantry where we are staying that’s been there for less than 10 days, and the funk that the last two potatoes are currently emitting (now in the garbage) smells like what I’d imagine mothballs that were once alive would smell like.

9. Shorts that don’t cover the derrière

This applies to women and men.

8. A specific goulash dish from my past

On time, in the mid-80s, this family I babysat for had me serve some leftovers to their children for dinner. They called it goulash, but to me it looked and smelled like stuff the disposal burped back up. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

7.  White t-shirts that only look respectable hanging on the rack

A couple months ago, “some lady I know” a bought a white t-shirt that looked highly respectable in the store. She bought it because she’s an idiot who tried to go shopping with three small people. When she got home and tried it on, it was so see-through it’d be the same as not wearing a shirt at all. As if.

6.  Someone over age 10 who says to you, “When I’m as old as you are”

A young man came to the door recently and said to me, “Ma’am, I’m 24 and have made some big mistakes in life, and someday, when I’m as old as you are, I don’t still want to be making those mistakes.” “Well, son, let me start you on the right track by explaining to you why you need to rephrase that last sentence.”

5. A husband who has no concept of time

This would be LCB. I have a friend who’s married to a man with this problem. She’s the one with the aforementioned white t-shirt.

4. Great books and not-so-great books

Well, let me be a little more specific. A not-so-great book is a huge irritant when you’ve been craving a really good book to read for quite some time, and you pick up the not-so-great book, thinking you’ve finally found a really good book to lose yourself in, only to find that this one, like all the rest of late, is not-so-great. Conversely, you find that really great book, the one you may have to gouge your eyes out in order to stop reading, but you find it at a point in your life where you really, truly have no time to read, like during a cross-country move, or on the week of your wedding, or the week of your neighborhood block party that you got sucked into running due to nefarious subdivision politics that you have to pretend don’t exist. See what I’m saying?

3. Laughing at the plight of goldfish

When I was in high school, my little sister, in elementary school at this point, had a gumball-shaped fish tank with two goldfish in it. One day, she accidentally knocked it over and freaked out, screaming for my mom to save the fish. Mom came running in her room and quickly scooped up one fish but couldn’t find the other. My sister was in a panic in a teary sort of way, jumping around, and my mom scrambled all over the floor trying to find the missing fish. And what did I do? I rolled on the floor and laughed so hard at their hysterics, that not only could I not help, I couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to reach in their direction, to say something helpful, but I seriously couldn’t breath and the tears of laughter just streamed down my face while I convulsed on the floor.

Now, that’s just wrong. Seriously, it’s just awful, but as I write this, I swear, I’m convulsing with laughter all over again just thinking about it, to the point where LCB just called to me from the other room and asked if I’m okay. I’m so not kidding, he really just did.

2. Caloric chocolate

I’m speaking in general here about the caloric part of the chocolate.

1. The steak my husband ordered last night

Granted, his expectations weren’t high given he ordered the “6.99 steak special,” which he contended should have read the “6.99 mystery meat food-product special,” but afterward he told me it was the worst steak he has ever had in his entire life. He requested rare, and it came out medium-well if you generously interpret the meaning of medium-well. It also had an uncanny resemblance to a plastic cow pie I once saw in a mail order catalogue of various eccentric novelty items. But, what was most wrong was the look on his face when he took his first bite. I knew he wasn’t going to wait for them to cook another one at least to the correct temperature when the service was already very slow, and he doesn’t like to throw away food, so I knew, and he knew, that he would be suffering though the entirety of that miserable-looking steak-like thing on his plate, with a smile, no less, since we were also dining with company. See, that’s just wrong.

So, what’s “See, that’s just wrong!” in your world? Do tell.

6 Comment

  1. I have also bought the t-shirt that ends up being completely transparent when worn. Really? Do people really wear those without a tank underneath? And if so, why buy a fitted t-shirt that requires a tank?

    My wrong moment is when some would be comedian approaches me in public to ask if “all those boys are” mine. Then proceeds to question my intelligence on whether I “know how that happens,” and yuks it up as they walk away. I’m never sure how to politely respond to a complete stranger probing for details of my intimate marital life.

    On the flip side, I LOVE the elderly couples that praise my boys behavior, and tell me what a blessing children are–thankfully the kind comments far outweigh the snarky ones.

    1. Well, maybe if you said “To heck with it!” and started filling him in on all of the intimate marital details, using a loud voice and a creepy facial expression, he’d back off. I actually wouldn’t recommend this, nor do you appear to be the type that would take this approach, but boy, would it be fun to see the look on his face!!! I actually witnessed LCB do this with a prank caller once years ago, and I could not believe what I was hearing, but I have to give it to him, it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

      Yes, you have to love it when people make a point to tell you the positives, especially when it closely follows a “parental moment” where you wonder if maybe you’ve been doing everything all wrong. It’s just so kind and uplifting.

  2. Ah yes, I have one. That would be your husband getting half of Friday off, and you 17 year old wakes vomiting. See, That’s Just Wrong! So, much for plans of fishing and bike riding…
    Thanks for a wonderful post. Quite humorous and I laughed out loud at the, “gouge your eyes out in order to stop reading,” portion. So been there!

    1. Oh, it’s the kiss of death. You even try, for a half-second, to pretend you didn’t hear or see what you just heard or saw, in a desperate attempt to deny the inevitable decimation of your plans. Good one.

      I really almost need to get my husband in on it and have him hide the book for a while if it’s at a point in my life where I truly don’t have time to read it yet. Because, my best attempts thus far in these situations have all been utter failures.

  3. ok…you are so funny! And if it weren’t so very late as I’m reading, I’d be leaving you my list…but I’ll try to get back to that after a sleep.
    Love your writing!
    xo aloha

    1. Thanks! Sleep well. From what I hear, you need and deserve it!!

Leave a Reply