On a whim, really, I decided I’d like to share my spur-of-the-moment list of ten of the things that are just wrong with the world. They just started coming to me randomly after I got a whiff of some potatoes yesterday (see below for elaboration). So, I thought I’d share them because I figured some of you might want to add your own “See, that’s just wrong!” items to the list.
10. Funky-smelling potatoes
There’s a bag of potatoes in the pantry where we are staying that’s been there for less than 10 days, and the funk that the last two potatoes are currently emitting (now in the garbage) smells like what I’d imagine mothballs that were once alive would smell like.
9. Shorts that don’t cover the derrière
This applies to women and men.
8. A specific goulash dish from my past
On time, in the mid-80s, this family I babysat for had me serve some leftovers to their children for dinner. They called it goulash, but to me it looked and smelled like stuff the disposal burped back up. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
7. White t-shirts that only look respectable hanging on the rack
A couple months ago, “some lady I know” a bought a white t-shirt that looked highly respectable in the store. She bought it because she’s an idiot who tried to go shopping with three small people. When she got home and tried it on, it was so see-through it’d be the same as not wearing a shirt at all. As if.
6. Someone over age 10 who says to you, “When I’m as old as you are”
A young man came to the door recently and said to me, “Ma’am, I’m 24 and have made some big mistakes in life, and someday, when I’m as old as you are, I don’t still want to be making those mistakes.” “Well, son, let me start you on the right track by explaining to you why you need to rephrase that last sentence.”
5. A husband who has no concept of time
This would be LCB. I have a friend who’s married to a man with this problem. She’s the one with the aforementioned white t-shirt.
4. Great books and not-so-great books
Well, let me be a little more specific. A not-so-great book is a huge irritant when you’ve been craving a really good book to read for quite some time, and you pick up the not-so-great book, thinking you’ve finally found a really good book to lose yourself in, only to find that this one, like all the rest of late, is not-so-great. Conversely, you find that really great book, the one you may have to gouge your eyes out in order to stop reading, but you find it at a point in your life where you really, truly have no time to read, like during a cross-country move, or on the week of your wedding, or the week of your neighborhood block party that you got sucked into running due to nefarious subdivision politics that you have to pretend don’t exist. See what I’m saying?
3. Laughing at the plight of goldfish
When I was in high school, my little sister, in elementary school at this point, had a gumball-shaped fish tank with two goldfish in it. One day, she accidentally knocked it over and freaked out, screaming for my mom to save the fish. Mom came running in her room and quickly scooped up one fish but couldn’t find the other. My sister was in a panic in a teary sort of way, jumping around, and my mom scrambled all over the floor trying to find the missing fish. And what did I do? I rolled on the floor and laughed so hard at their hysterics, that not only could I not help, I couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to reach in their direction, to say something helpful, but I seriously couldn’t breath and the tears of laughter just streamed down my face while I convulsed on the floor.
Now, that’s just wrong. Seriously, it’s just awful, but as I write this, I swear, I’m convulsing with laughter all over again just thinking about it, to the point where LCB just called to me from the other room and asked if I’m okay. I’m so not kidding, he really just did.
2. Caloric chocolate
I’m speaking in general here about the caloric part of the chocolate.
1. The steak my husband ordered last night
Granted, his expectations weren’t high given he ordered the “6.99 steak special,” which he contended should have read the “6.99 mystery meat food-product special,” but afterward he told me it was the worst steak he has ever had in his entire life. He requested rare, and it came out medium-well if you generously interpret the meaning of medium-well. It also had an uncanny resemblance to a plastic cow pie I once saw in a mail order catalogue of various eccentric novelty items. But, what was most wrong was the look on his face when he took his first bite. I knew he wasn’t going to wait for them to cook another one at least to the correct temperature when the service was already very slow, and he doesn’t like to throw away food, so I knew, and he knew, that he would be suffering though the entirety of that miserable-looking steak-like thing on his plate, with a smile, no less, since we were also dining with company. See, that’s just wrong.
So, what’s “See, that’s just wrong!” in your world? Do tell.