So, my son\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been on underwear patrol lately. Yes, you heard me.<\/p>\n
It began at a school meeting, where a lady sitting two rows in front of us had a good twelve inches of underwear \u00e2\u20ac\u0153peeking\u00e2\u20ac\u009d out over the top of her jeans. I was trying to concentrate on hearing the speaker, but out of my peripheral vision I could see my son staring at this lady\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s underwear with a confused look on his face. Oh, no, I knew where this was going and I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think of a good way to stop it.<\/p>\n
Sure enough, just when I started to think, maybe, please maybe he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lost interest, he turned to me and said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mom, that lady needs to pull up her pants.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It could have been worse. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say it in his library voice, but he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shout it either. But what he did do was say it in that voice that also implied, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mom, you<\/strong> need to do something about this right now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Those of you who are mothers know the voice.<\/p>\n So, in his kindergarten mind, the right thing to do would have been either A). tap the lady of the hour on the shoulder and kindly inform her of her predicament, or preferably B). pull her pants up for her. I, on the other hand, wanted to do C). quietly slip out the door and move to another state. However, if I moved for things like this, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be moving on a weekly basis.<\/p>\n Instead, I D). gave him the look (the one that says don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t speak or else) and continued on as if the outburst had not occurred. In truth, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think the lady could have heard him, especially given that there was a great deal of background noise being provided by all of the younger children in attendance. After the meeting, on the way home, we discussed why informing me of the lady\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fashion faux pas was unnecessary and why Mom does not, in this instance, need to do a darn thing. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m fully confident that, with time and 300 or so more conversations of a similar nature, I will be able to attend social functions without fear of such proclamations.<\/p>\n What he then started doing, however, was to inform yours truly if her underwear was showing. Lest you think I run around regularly with my underwear showing, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. At least I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not aware of doing so.<\/p>\n So, now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m having a moment here.<\/p>\n Great, now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m really thinking about it. Maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m running around oblivious, not realizing I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been secretly dubbed \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Underwear Mom.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Okay, this is not going where I thought it would be when I started writing this post. Now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m filled with self doubt. I mean, beyond the normal amount I carry around.<\/p>\n Anyway, I have this style of underwear that I like because it oh-so-lightly holds in the abs without being underwear designed to do this, so it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not all military-like and violently unattractive. I also tend to prefer mid-rise pant styles. Thus, there is often a \u00c2\u00bd inch or so discrepancy between where my pants end and where my underwear ends. While this sounds problematic, the reality is that it rarely is because I tend to wear long tops that extend several inches below my waistband.<\/p>\n As a side note, if you had told me a year ago I would ever even write the previous paragraph let alone willingly publish it on the internet, I would have assumed you had been smoking something not legal. And yet now here I am, blogging about my undies.<\/p>\n Anyway, the problem arose one day when I bent over to retrieve something out of the bottom of the boys\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 closet, no simple task given its state. Suddenly, my son started laughing wildly and said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mom, I can see your underwear!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d At that moment, his official patrol position and possibly his Greater Purpose in Life was born.<\/p>\n So now, anytime I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m cleaning the base of the toilets, picking something off the floor, or leaning over to pick up a shell on the beach, there he is, staring intently, eager to let me know if he sees even a glimpse of underwear above my waistband. While he does see the humor in this, he also truly believes he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s offering an essential service.<\/p>\n See, I have yet to read a parenting book that warns you specifically about moments like this. Maybe I should write one myself.<\/p>\n I certainly have plenty of material.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So, my son\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been on underwear patrol lately. Yes, you heard me. It began at a school meeting, where a lady sitting two rows in front of us had a good twelve inches of underwear \u00e2\u20ac\u0153peeking\u00e2\u20ac\u009d out over the top of her jeans. I was trying to concentrate on hearing the speaker, but out of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[157,156,100,155,152,153,154],"class_list":["post-263","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-island-parenting","tag-embarrassing-kindergarten-moments","tag-embarrassing-moments","tag-island-living","tag-parenting-moments","tag-underwear","tag-underwear-patrol","tag-undies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/263","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=263"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/263\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=263"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=263"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.anislandmom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=263"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}